Archive for February, 2010
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West Elm DC Location is Closing – 15% off
The West Elm furniture store on G Street NW in DC is closing. I only discovered West Elm last summer, so this makes me very sad. In Louisiana, where I spent most of my life until a year and a half ago, the only furniture stores available to me where nationwide chains like Havertys, and Ashley Furniture. These are the sorts of stores that assume you are at least 40 years old and like floral print couches. Or they assume that you are never going to move again in your entire life. Aquarius and I once bought an entertainment center that took four men to carry up a flight of stairs. The buyers remorse set in quickly. For a twenty-something, these stores are depressing to walk through. We would often walk in, do the loop around, and walk back out. We passed couches that our grandparents would like, recliners for retirees, artwork for those who like safari scenes, and kitchen tables for those who decorate in the “country” style. Please don’t let me offend you. There is nothing wrong with liking floral fabrics, zebras, or being retired, but there is a whole generation of us who do not fit this description and who are completely ignored in the South. That’s one reason I moved.
Aquarius and I managed to furnish our historic southern home with mismatched pieces that came close to fitting our taste. The whole time, we had an image in our heads of the style we really wanted: modern, sleek, minimalist. Since our move to Maryland was a downgrade in size, we left some of our old furniture behind. This brings us up to our most recent move last summer from Ellicott City to Silver Spring, and the first time I walked into West Elm. It was like this store had read my mind, and I wanted to decorate my whole condo with West Elm. It was time to get rid of the remaining transplant pieces anyway in favor of urban living. We bought our bed and a buffet from here, but our couch came from DESI in Rockville. We revisited West Elm about a month ago for new bedding: a duvet cover and pillows. The only thing they didn’t have in stock was the down comforter to go inside my new duvet cover. I could have gotten this on-line, but in an attempt to save on shipping costs, I stopped in at the store yesterday to see if they had more in stock. I should have called first. I was surprised to find “Store Closing” signs, hoards of people taking advantage of the 15% off, and no more comforters. I must have deleted the email that was sent out to customers last Monday.
This shouldn’t be a huge devastation to me seeing as I have already decorated my place, but it is frustrating that as soon as I find something I like, it closes. It’s not like the entire company is closing. There is still a store in Tysons Corner (not very convenient for me), and I can order on-line. According to an article I found, the store just didn’t do as well as expected. I suppose this is capitalism and our wounded economy at work. The store plans to stay open until March 15th or until they run out of merchandise. If you are in the DC area and are in the market for well-built, reasonably priced furniture or contemporary home décor, head downtown to West Elm. Everything is 15% off. If any Washingtonians know of a similar home furnishing store in the area, let me know about it.
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My Constant Quest for French
I’ve mentioned before that I’m a French teacher and that I lived in Paris for about a year during college. Now, it’s been almost seven years since I came back to the States, and ever since, I have struggled to maintain my fluency. When I think about how long it’s been, it’s depressing. A teacher’s salary doesn’t exactly afford cross-Atlantic plane rides. I really hope to visit Paris again sometime soon, but until then, I will have to find other ways to keep the language sharp in my mind. At least this is easier to do in DC than it was in Louisiana. French can be heard occasionally on the metro or in a store or restaurant. I would love to meet more francophones through the Alliance Française, but most of their events are weekday evenings which is too much for my schedule. I feel like I am constantly searching for French.
This brings me to my break-up with Comcast last week. It was quick and sweet. Aquarius and I came home one evening to find a flyer on our door for RCN, a cable company that is new to our building. All it took was seeing TV5 Monde (a French language channel) on the line-up and Aquarius was on the phone with the cable companies. My quest to get TV5 in the past has been a string of disappointments. I can watch their evening news program on the website, but nowhere I have ever lived has offered the entire channel on cable. Some cities in South Louisiana could get it, but not in North Louisiana. In Maryland, I could get it through satellite, but satellite wasn’t offered in my building. I preemptively got excited last August when we moved to our current condo and I saw France 24 on the cable guide. It turned out to be the French news reported in English.
As of Saturday, I have a real reason to be excited about watching TV. I can have the French language spoken in my home 24/7 if I just leave TV5 Monde playing. In addition to the news, I can watch movies, documentaries, children’s shows, and even game shows. For the past few days, my new favorite show has been “Questions pour un champion,” a quiz show that asks contestants general knowledge questions. One of the best parts of the show is the consolation prizes for the eliminated contestants. Rather than the vacation packages to Hawaii that are given out on American game shows, these losers get dictionaries and encyclopedias to further their general knowledge. If I were to go on a game show, I think I would rather walk away with an Encyclopedia of Mythology than a trip – unless it’s a trip to France. I always figured that winning a vacation is probably more hassle than enjoyment. I would have to schedule a time that I could go, and then everything would probably not be included. When it was all over, I would end up coming home sunburnt and having spent too much money. I would rather have a book that I can put on my shelf and enjoy anytime.
So, that brings me to books. Another way I try to keep my French language skills sharp is by reading in French. The problem is that most bookstores consider a French Language section to be a row of French dictionaries. I often order books from Amazon, but since most French literature ships from Europe, it is expensive. Sometimes I pay more in shipping costs than I pay for the book itself. If anyone in DC knows of a good used book store that carries a decent selection of French language books, please let me know. I found a foreign language section at Capitol Hill Books on C Street in Eastern Market, but it was in the bathroom. I’m not making this up. They had stuck a bookshelf in the bathroom and scrawled out a sign in Sharpie to tape on the bathroom door – “Foreign Language.” I spent a few minutes in there until I was disgusted by both the selection and the fact that I was browsing books while standing next to a toilet. I guess if someone needed to use the toilet, they would have to ask you to go browse elsewhere for a few minutes.
Maybe it’s time to find a French meet-up group.
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Things Southerners Don’t Know About the Snow
In the Deep South, we think of snow as the Holy Grail. It is something sacred that we only have the privilege of enjoying once a decade. Our meteorologists are always searching for it and promising that we may get it. These are normally empty promises, or they turn out to only be light dustings of snow that melt within four hours. Most of the time, it turns out to be sleet that melts when it hits the concrete. We have idealized the snow. A snowstorm would mean getting a day off of school or work, having fun outside making snowmen, sliding down hills in trash can lids because we don’t have sleds, and then warming ourselves by the fire. When someone from up North mentions a White Christmas, a Southerner’s eyes fill with wonder and joy. The snow must be absolutely beautiful. Unfortunately, once away from the South, it only takes one snowstorm to realize that all of these dreams are an illusion. Here are the things that I have learned about the snow:
1. Cookies ‘n’ Cream. The snow is only pretty for one day. Once the ploughs come by to free us from our snowed-in homes, they scrape up the black road grime along with the pristine white snow. What started as pure white fluff begins to look like a bowl of cheap cookies ‘n’ cream ice cream that has been stirred vigorously with a spoon. By the time the roads are passable again, the exhaust of cars and buses adds to this mixture. The result is a smog flavored snow cone lining the streets.
2. Crosswalk Soup: The gray snow cone seems to melt quickest around crosswalks, and those of us who are pedestrians have to trudge through this muck. Every street corner becomes a wadding pool of melted dirty snow that has nowhere to drain because the gutters are clogged with ice. If you don’t own a pair of waterproof boots that can be worn over your pants, you will be soaked after an encounter with just one of these crosswalks, and that’s assuming you can even find one with a shoveled pedestrian path. In the South, we thought UGGs were just a fashion statement. It turns out they are very practical.
3. Yellow Snow: No one ever told me about yellow snow, but it only took about two seconds for me to figure out. Now that the snow has been on the ground for at least two weeks, my sidewalk is lined with yellow on top of the gray. You never think about all of the dog pee that you walk by everyday until it has been highlighted in bright yellow.
4. Flying Ice: It turns out that if you don’t brush the snow off the roof of your car immediately after a snowstorm, it will harden into a block of ice. The only thing that will remove six inches of ice from the roof of your car is an ice pick or driving at a speed of at least 60mph. Beware of whom you are driving behind on the highway. If they appear to park in a garage, you are safe, but if they have an ice-capped car, change lanes. That block of ice is liable to come loose at any moment and hit your windshield. You will be lucky if it comes off in small pieces, but there is no guarantee. The worst is the 18 wheelers. A ten foot long sheet of ice may not break apart until it hits the hood of your car and sends you swerving off the road peeing your pants.
I’m sure that these things all just seem like a normal part of winter for anyone who grew up in the North, but for me, these are new experiences. While Southerners may be dreaming of a day of vacation due to a freak snowstorm, up here we are dreaming of spring.
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Faux Fire Update
Last night, Aquarius and I ate dinner at Olazzo in Silver Spring. It’s a delicious little bistro with authentic Italian food and an extensive Martini menu. They had the Ambient Fire DVD blazing on flat screens in both the upstairs dinning room as well as the downstairs bar. I had to laugh as soon as I walked in and saw it since I had just written about this phenomenon.I must say that the fake fireplace did add a very cozy feeling to the restaurant when combined with the low lighting and an abundance of candles. No, they were not the fireplace scented candles. I was glad that the proprietors opted not to use one of the playlists from the DVD. Instead, we dined to a nice mix of laid-back music including Zero 7.
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Faux Fire
It’s nice to know that after I come in from making a snowman and snow angels in the aftermath of Snowpocalypse, or Snowmageddon, or whatever we are calling the latest blizzard, I can make myself a cup of hot chocolate and sit by a warm blazing fire. Ok, actually I can’t because I don’t have a fireplace, but I can turn to Comcast On-Demand and enjoy a never-ending roaring fire on my flat screen television.There are a lot of real life experiences that pop culture has digitized, but this was not one that I expected. I find that there is some virtual form of real life for almost everyone. If you want to get in touch with nature and your ancestral farming roots but don’t want to wake up at dawn or sweat in the field, you can sign up for FarmVille. If you are interested in the military but don’t want to go to boot camp, there are dozens of video games which simulate the bestial need to kill our fellow humans. If you have the urge to steal cars and shoot random pedestrians but don’t want to get arrested, there is a video game for that too. If you’ve always dreamed of becoming a doctor, driving a BMW, and dating 3 women at once but you’re a fat slob who is far from studious, you can live out your fantasy in the Sims. If you like playing tennis or golf but don’t like leaving the house, you just need Wii Sports. All you need is a computer to have meaningful relationships with others, a pet, or even an aquarium. I actually know a guy who started dating his down-the-street neighbor after meeting her on a dating website.
I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when I ran across the crackling Yule log on my cable. Everything else has been transferred to our monitors, so why not this? However, I do think my surprise was merited when I ran across a VHS version of this faux fire while rummaging through some DVD’s and cassettes at school. I was taking stock of what Shakespeare plays I had on hand before starting Romeo and Juliet with my 9th graders when I found the 90 minute version of my never-ending fire. This means that someone actually paid money for a video of fire, put it in a VHS player, and then had to rewind it to continue the standard-definition faux fire enjoyment. Thankfully, this fire has now been shot in HD and can be ordered on-line for $14.95. I wonder who the director was. The DVD provides 9 different fireplace choices, 3 music choices, and a loop feature. It is filled with “190 minutes of red-hot fireplace video action.” Be sure to check out the trailer to get the full ambient feeling. Luckily, this production company doesn’t take themselves too seriously.
If you don’t want to chop firewood, or if you don’t have a fireplace, or if the smoke bothers your allergies, you may want to invest in this DVD. It takes all of the hassle out of having a real fire. Are you looking to make your Valentine’s Day more romantic? This DVD plus the fireplace scented candles could be just what you need. It’s a fireplace in a jar. Just be sure to take the proper precautions. Like the trailer says, you may need to warn the neighbors. The combination of the crackling noise and the wood-burning fire scent may make them think that your house is on fire.
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I Move to Name Snowstorms
Snowpocalypse, Snowmageddon, SnOMG? Which is it guys? I’m confused and I think everyone else is too. Last night I watched a few newscasters stumble over what they meant by “this storm.” Is Snowpocalypse the blizzard we had in December, Snowmageddon the one we had this past weekend, and SnOMG the one we are getting today? Or are these names and events all interchangeable causing utter confusion in conversation? I know that Southerners aren’t considered to be the most intelligent Americans, but one thing we figured out is that you have to name a big storm.
For example, if we did not have a systematic way of naming hurricanes, Katrina would just be “that really big storm in 2005 that broke the levees, displaced thousands of New Orleans’ residents, and made Kanye West say that George Bush doesn’t care about black people.” Of course then Rita would be known as “that really big storm that came a few weeks after that really big storm in 2005 that broke the levees, displaced thousands of New Orleans’ residents, and made Kanye West say that George Bush doesn’t care about black people.” Whenever my dad tells me stories about growing up just outside of New Orleans, he would have to say something like , “…that really big storm during which I helped my dad save our refrigerator by laying it on the dinning room table just before evacuating our house by perot.”* Instead, he just has to say “Betsy” and all of the rest is implied. Whenever anyone mentions Gustav, I think of the hurricane that hit South Louisiana a week after I moved to Maryland. While I was settling into my new home, my mother-in-law was hosting about 40 Cajun relatives who slept on air mattresses in every available space around her house in Shreveport.
So, Midwest, Mid-Atlantic, and Northeast, I propose that you come up with a system of naming snowstorms. The first rule is that you must be prepared. In the South, we have an alphabetical list of names ready to go at the beginning of each hurricane season. The list alternates boy’s and girl’s names every letter, and the list starts with a boy’s name every other year. Since we use common first names for hurricanes, you guys may want to try something different like names from Greek mythology, animals, famous authors like Jack London, or Shakespeare characters like Beatrice. However you guys decide to chose names, you have to make sure that it is official and that everyone knows about it in advance. No one in New Orleans decided that Kelly would be a better name than Katrina. That’s just not the way it works.
The second rule is that these storms must be named in their infancy. We name hurricanes while they are still tropical storms. You can do the alphabet math to figure out how many potential hurricanes we had in 2005 between Katrina and Rita. You don’t wait until a baby is born before naming it. You must have something to call it while it is on its way. An example: “You better hurry up and get to Whole Foods before they run out of chicken. Apollo is on his way!” Keep in mind that it is sometimes necessary to preface these names with the title “Hurricane” or “Blizzard.” I happen to have a cousin named Katrina and it could be ambiguous or rude to say things like, “Katrina just screwed everything up!”
*I will admit that I tend to exaggerate and fictionalize events, but this one is completely true.
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My New Robotic Servant
I
am now the proud owner of a personal robotic servant. Yesterday, my husband surprised me with a Roomba as an early birthday present. I like how previously the gift of a vacuum would have been misogynistic, sexist, and insulting. It would have said, “Hey woman, your job is to clean, so get to it.” But now, with the simple addition of a computer, or a brain as I like to call it, the message has changed to, “I know you work all day long and are too tired to clean when you get home, and hell if I’m gonna do it, so I bought a robot to do it for us.” I wonder what other inappropriate gifts could be transformed by a simple trick of technology? Could it one day be acceptable to give a bathroom scale, deodorant, or a self-help book?Because I am a big fan of personification, I decided that I must name my robot. The robot is definitely male. Women have been slaving away at cleaning for too long; it’s a man’s turn. I tried to think of something clever from literature or mythology that either sucks (no, not vampires) or eats the scum of the earth. Since I failed at finding the appropriate allusion, I turned to movies. C-3PO is a name that should be reserved for the invention of overly-talkative robots. Mine only knows a few phrases. R2-D2 almost fits since he is round and beeps, but I don’t think that my self-propelled cleaning device is ever going to save the day. So, I think that I have settled on WALL-E. This seems fitting and will instantly make him cuter because I will superimpose onto him the personality of his Pixar namesake .
As far as WALL-E’s performance, I am amazed. He spent this afternoon learning the terrain of his new work environment. He quickly learned where all the walls are and slowed down as he approached them. It only took him about 5 seconds to figure out that my ottoman is round and to make a near-perfect sweeping circle along its edge. But one of his greatest skills is that he cleans under my couch. This is something that has not happened since I bought it. When he disappeared underneath the TV stand, we were cheering him on to find his way back out. In addition to doing the carpet and tile, he also does cat sitting. My cats have not decided if they have found their new best friend or their arch nemesis. Aquarius is already exploring various hacking possibilities. He claims that he is just going to modify the recorded voice to sound like WALL-E, but I fear that this will soon become one more thing that he can control from his iPhone.
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